Just a few short posts ago, I was writing about attachment and how little Phebe was having a hard time opening her heart to me.
There was a fear in her eyes. I knew she was connecting me with something from her past and I knew it wasn't easy for her to let another Mama into her life. I'd read books and articles and blogs on the subject. I understood the theory and why this was happening. But it was still a hard pill to swallow. Rejection is hard. Especially when you love that little person so very much.
I can hardly believe in the two short weeks we've been home from China, that things changed so quickly for us. We spent a lot of alone time together and now she plays, hugs, kisses and has opened her heart, to trust me and to receive the love I have for her. Which is huge. Especially for a little two year old that has been taken away from everything. And the only lady she ever knew, to be her Mama.
On this Thanksgiving weekend I can't help but think about the rejection our Lord Jesus faces on a daily basis, from this world. Even though His love for us is huge, so huge that He died for us. He died for ME. He bore MY sin. The rejection of my new daughter was a tough lesson for me... but looking back, I do honestly feel blessed in a way that I never thought possible. Blessed that the Lord has opened my eyes and given me a little insight into His love for us, the children he created, even in the face of rejection.
1 John 4:
10) Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
16) And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
19) We love Him, because He first loved us.
Thank you Lord for the many lessons on this path that you've lead us. I wouldn't change a single minute of this incredible journey.
While I sit here typing this, my little Phebe is lying in the crib, singing herself to sleep. It is so sweet.
It has not been a easy transition for her. She has found it hard to come to terms with the fact that another woman (me!) has entered her little life and (in her eyes) is trying to replace the very close bond she had with her nanny in the orphanage. Generally speaking, not many children (in orphanages) get a lot of one-on-one attention, because of the volume of children. But we believe Phebe did get a lot of special attention. In Phebe's orphanage, there was only herself and one other baby, who was only a few months old.
I know Phebe's attachment will get stronger, as she learns and experiences that she can trust me and depend on me. I am thankful that she lets me dress her, feed her and change her diaper. Also in the hotel room, she plays and jokes around with me. It's hard, because she will play with me for quite a while and then I can totally see her realize that she is having too much fun with me - it's like a little switch flips and she becomes mildly aggressive in her playing and hits me away. I know it is a self protection mechanism and I understand how much she has given up and come through, to get to this point. This only started happening towards the end of our time in Changsha. At the start I found it hard, rejection is hard, especially when you love someone so much... but I have an amazing supportive husband, who unfortunately was the rejected party last time we were in China, adopting Lilah, so he understands how my emotions. And I know that our little Phebe will learn to trust me, our bond will become strong with time. In fact, each day I can already see small amounts of progress. And I've been reading a lot online, on the subject. This is an excellent article, that has definitely helped me.
Phebe is such a happy happy girl, all the time, the only time we see her disgruntled is when she is tired or hungry!
The good news is, she loves her Baba more than anything. And seeing their very close bond is heart warming. It gives me so much hope. Phebe also adores her big sister and basically can't let go of her hand. For sure the honeymoon period is wearing off a little for Lilah, I say that in the kindest way possible! Lilah loves her sister so much, but I can see her hiding her stuff now, which I know is normal. And she can be rather bossy to her little sister - to be fair though, a lot of the time, what she is saying is valid! However, we are trying to teach Lilah that it's the parents job to do the parenting, so it's a work in progress! But I know our Lilah girl will pull through. She is doing more amazing than we ever anticipated. We've also been loving on her a lot and I've had a lot of time to dedicate to her, which has been great.
Today we did a little shopping at the Pearl Markets. Several new dresses later and man oh man, am I getting good at bargaining! I was so proud of myself, $5 US dollars for each Chinese dress. Now, if only the pearls came at that price!
Who can laugh the loudest?!
She is such a happy girl, you can't help but love her and want to scoop her up and show her just that.
She always lifts the phone and says "wéi!" It sounds like 'way' and means an informal hello, like hi. It is so cute!
Since she started doing this, I hear many people (on our daily travels) saying the same thing, when they answer their cell phones!
