Tuesday, September 24, 2013

a little time away

'crafty athletes' - here she comes! 'crafty athletes' - here she comes!

I think I've mentioned here before how much Phebe strives to be like her big sister. There's a 3 year age gap between these two, but to be honest, as a second child, Phebe seems to be ahead of the game in many respects. She seems to have skipped a few stages and wants everything and anything that her big sister is doing. Piano lessons. School. Homework. A backpack. A lunch. When I say to Phebe in the evening, "Are you a little bit tired?", even though she is exhausted, she will automatically respond: "Lilah's tired?" She talks a lot about: "I'm growing up" and "I'm taller than..." she lists off people she is taller than. She most definitely looks up to her big sister.

I can also tell that Lilah being gone is having more of an effect on her than I initially thought. There are little insecurities going on in her mind. More recently she's been following my every step around the house, I can't be out of her sight for 2 seconds and she worries. We have a system now that she will shout "Where are you, Mama?", instead of just standing crying when she doesn't see me.

Last year Lilah only went to school for two and a half hours and during that time Phebe had her nap. But now that Lilah is gone all day, Phebe is depending on me for everything. In some ways this is great, it's building a much stronger relationship between us. I've noticed that the bonding/attachment with a second child is harder/slower (than with the first child), just because Phebe would go to Lilah for a lot of her requests or if she needed help with anything.

The interesting part to all this, Phebe can barely let me out of her sight, and yet, she is incredibly independent.

Today she started a little two hour "Crafty Athletes" class at the local Community Center. We went to this same CC last year, to a Mom & Tot group, so she knows the instructor well. I talked to her a lot about going, we got her backpack sorted out (just like Lilah!) I even put a trail bar and her water bottle in it to make it feel like she was going to 'school' too. I explained that I would go away and come back just like I did every day for Lilah, and she totally understood. I may even have mentioned something along the lines of "And Lilah doesn't cry!". Although when I mentioned it was her little school, she was quick to tell me "It's not school, Mama! It's class!" - I can't get anything by this girl of mine!

She loves her program/class. She walked in, gave me a kiss and a hug and said: "Look Mama, I'm not crying. Byeeeeeee!"

I hope she benefits from these programs (she has two every week.) And I pray they help her build up her security and confidence again. She's only been part of our family for a year and yet it feels like so much longer. Sometimes it's easy for us to forget how difficult 'change' is for these little ones. It's so easy for us to forget the turmoil they go through, but deep down, I feel that it's something they live with all their lives.

You would definitely not know from her exterior that she has any insecurities. She's such a fun loving, happy girl.

'crafty athletes' - here she comes! 'crafty athletes' - here she comes!


  1. Ohmygoodness could she be any sweeter in her little backpack?! She looks so thrilled!! I so know what you mean about being so independent yet not wanting you out of her sight...Kerry was, still sometimes is, just like that. Sounds like you're doing exactly the right thing for your Phebe.

    Gin =)

  2. I love reading about all the thought that goes into mothering this child. How lucky she is to have you!